From Sophia's Blog verewig
What Women Want
How does he make her feel so sexy?
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Bad boys make us feel sexy instantly (4,256)
I received this email from a young lady who tells us why young girls prefer bad boys.
At 15 I dated bad guys. Older guys. Guys whose intentions were
absolutely obvious. And I can tell you why....but you probably will cringe
to hear it. If you think you might, close this e-mail and never look back,
but it's simple.
They make us feel sexy instantly.
A girl of 15 is still exploring her sexuality, and she's just begun to understand that it gives her power. Pussy power. Girls have been using thier sexuality to get what they want for ages, and sexual conquests become just as much of a drug for us as it does for men. We don't necessarily want sex....we're not in it for that kind of gratification
(although sex drive does come into play) We start to equate our sexiness to other men with our self worth. I remember a time that I'd pay very close attention to how many heads turned when I walked into a room, and if the number was less than it was last month, I felt like I'd let myself go.
I also remember aquiring worldly airs for bad boys. Trying to out do them in order to gain thier attention. And yeah, it felt great when they'd stare
after me, and take me out. Nevermind the fact that who I was didn't matter, I was too young to think about that. For some girls, that phase lasts until our late twenties, but not all.
Also think about what a young girl is watching. Pop culture glorifies sexy young girls and bad boys. It's what we're told to be, and who we're told to be with.
She's got a point aboutt he culture, and the peer pressure thing. It is
executives in the magazine. TV, advertising and fashion world who are
pushing the pop culture. They like underaged sacanilty clad girls, and the
only ones benefitting from it are men. And if they are prepared to take
advantage of such a young girl, that reflects on them and them alone. Not
their parents or anybody else, these guys are old enough to know better.
What happens to the girls who don't have a strong male role model around to
talk to and build their self-esteem? They have to find out the hard
way.
Juanita Richards [ja.richards@clear.net.nz]
she is right about the need to be sexual and to ne noticed, but I would say
these words should come from a woman of 19-20 years old, not 15! As i go to
street i see 14 years old girls, with a skirt of 5 cm and flirting with a
guy. as i remeber my days..I was playing with the dolls at this age!!!!! so
now i can remeber my childish love and happy childhood, and what will have
those girls? memories about oral sex?..
I'm 20 and i still don't play
with my sexuality, there's plenty of time for this..
And about bad
guys..they are cute, they really show us how sexual we are, but still most
of them use pretty girls for an image. but who wants to have a shy good
guy, huh?:)
Oke, I feel a little cinical at the moment so:
In social talk young girls usually claim that, they don't provoke or like exploring there sexual power...
Just as young boys claim that they are mostly intrested in your karakter and like you as person...
Fallen Angel
My grandmother was married at 14, so I have a bit different perspective.
In my grandma's time a woman was expected to get married and have babies,
and if she was southern and Black, to work as well. So women generally
married younger.
In my mom's day it was fewer, and she had more to look forward to, and went to college, so she married later at 19. She met the love of her life however, at 12. He was 15 at the time. They didn't get sexual until my mom was 16.
It's not impossible for a 15 year old to be sexually confident, so long as she was prepared for survival and not held back emotionally. These days we have the luxury of being able to extend a kind of childhood beyond physical childhood, but for much of the world, a woman is a woman when she's a woman.
In western cultures, we want to protect girls until they have finished school and are mentally and emotionally ready to cope with adult responsibilities. I see this as a good thing, and even though I don't think it's such a big sin for a young woman to be finding her sexual power at 16, I do think the sin is in the mentality that pushes girls to actually be sexually active that young. I also think it is sick for someone to seek out women who they feel are inferior or at a disadvantage in order to better control them, regardless of what age the woman is.
Sex shouldn't be happenning until a person is both mentally and physically ready for the challenges of child bearing and raising...and also mentally and emotionally prepared for the possibility of things going wrong such as STD's or miscarriage.
I was an early bloomer who occasionally allowed older men to be mislead about my age. I did not however, feel any need to dress or behave like a prostitute. I wasn't advertising for sex. I was advertising for a stable relationship. So then just as now, I looked nice with a bit of a twist, but not hoe-like.
...and I did not pursue "bad boys". I had one in my teens who might fit the type as far as his record, but he was extremely respectful of women and very affectionate and emotional. The badness was just how he made his living. He didn't bring his work home.
Teenagers who are trying to fit in are in a confusing position these days. I agree with the writer of the email that having a good and active male role model makes a HUGE difference in how a girl behaves and presents herself.
I am a princess. I am spoiled enough to demand respect. No matter how anyone else sees me or what they do to me, my daddy provided the original opinion. I am a beautiful, intelligent, and talented woman. I deserve for that to be recognized and appreciated by anyone who wants to have a romantic relationship with me. He didn't go into sex, but even if a guy wants only sex from me, he still has to behave like someone who wants to see me again, or he simply won't see me again...and if it is just sex, then there's a limit to how long it can last and how often it can happen.
So if it's not worth it to the guy, then fine. He can find someone else to use. I don't take that personally so long as he does just that. The problems start when someone tries to hold onto me from a safe distance with emotional tweezers just to get the sex. This is someone who is the equivalent of a spy who pretends to be nice, but really just wants to pillage my kingdom.
A girl who doesn't have a strong male role model has a hard time developing that kind of sexual confidence on her own. It can happen, but it's extremely rare.
Fathers, uncles, grandpas, big brothers, and the like, have to realize that they are competing against some very powerful forces in order to keep the children in their lives confident and able to think clearly for themselves. Children, just as adults, make decisions based on the information given to them.
If the information given to them for 8 hours a day is "You MUST have sex soon because if you don't something is wrong with you," and, "If you don't look like a parking meter/beefcake, and dress in a hoe costume, then you won't get any attention from the opposite sex," then that has to be countered with at least 8 hours a day of confidence enhancing exposure to alternative ways of thinking.
This is why I limit television. My daughter gets only an hour a day on weekdays, and as much as she likes when we're not doing other things on Saturday. I also encourage her to talk to me about whatever's going on in school.
Now she is a princess. She's 11, but already has her head on straight when dealing with the boys in her school. I'm hoping that this will continue into her teens and beyond, but I'm not just leaving it to chance.
We watch TV together, and I comment about the things I see. Sometimes it leads to discussions about things like body image, appropriate behavior, and whether or not something or other would be good or bad in real life.
One MUST keep an open dialogue with their kids.
Now, for the nice guys, y'all need to be careful to also tell them about your experiences when they're ready. Be honest about how you feel if they bring a "bad boy" home. If you can't get her to let him go, don't be afraid to let him know that if he harms your daughter, you are going to hold him accountable...but let the girl know that you can't always be there, and she needs to protect herself.
Martial arts is good for girls. If not that, get them involved in some physical activity that does not require them to starve. Malnutrition and inactivity in the teens takes a huge chunk out of a woman's physical strength potential, and makes her less coordinated.
Some dance and gymnastics instructors are better about this than others.
It's a harsh world, and weakness may be trendy and attractive to the popular predatory types, but if you want her to attract men who are real men and not intimidated by a strong woman, and bear you healthy grandchildren, then you must encourage physical activity.
Also, competition in an appropriate frame prevents the petty sort of competitiveness that women are notorious for.
Part of the reason I didn't fall into the dieting trap in my teens is because if I didn't eat, I was going to get my butt kicked six ways to Sunday in sparring.
I could write volumes on this, but I'll stop. Heheheh.
Anyway, point is that confidence is important. As Sophia Loren said, all women can be beautiful. I think more hot nice chicks would go for nice guys, no matter what the television said, if they realized that they deserved better than a jerk.
Visit me @ http://kthulah.com
"I think more hot nice chicks would go for nice guys, no matter what the
television said, if they realized that they deserved better than a jerk" -
men are told that women are programmed from birth to go for jerk like
behaviors in their men. They supposedly can't help their fatal attraction.
They are also programmed to spurn nice guys
No, you're told that all genetically "normal" women are "programmed" to
favor a degree of assertiveness, physical strength, height, and beauty in
males. By "normal", I mean women who have the gene that triggers maternal
instinct. Such women are, barring social programming to the contrary,
bound to seek out males who they feel would produce strong, viable
offspring. They are also generally bound to get a "four year itch" causing
them to at least once seriously consider replacing or cheating on their
current mate in order to increase the chance of at least one of their
offspring surviving a catastrophy such as an epidemic.
The rest is social.
I never have believed that conformity is the way to solve a social problem.
What behaving like a jerk (conforming to the trend) does is increase the breeding value of weak, insecure women who can't tell the difference between assertive and aggressive; and decrease the breeding value of women who can. Intelligence definitely has a genetic component. So do levels of sensitvity and empathy, as well as "thrill seeking" traits.
The reason that it appears that women prefer jerks has nothing to do with nature. It has to do with a limited interpretation of the preference for assertive.
In what way does being assertive preclude being nice?
In what way does being dominant preclude actually having good leadership skills as opposed to the simple desire for dominance?
We are programmed to reject the weak, not the nice. The same women who can't tell the difference between nice and weak are the same ones who can't tell between assertive and aggressive.
Why would any intelligent man waste so much effort changing in order to have the "privilege" to dump sperm into an evolutionary black hole?
Visit me @ http://kthulah.com
If you feel a bad boy makes you feel sexy then it is simply a self-esteem
issue. I believe that most of what we desire in people we are attracted to
goes back to our parents. Some of what we like is on purpose and the rest
is a subconscious desire.
I was also fascinated by "bad" boys at 15. Now, I am fascinated by good,
responsible and committed guys.
A bad boy approaches a woman as a sexual being. Has the mindset of "I don't
care what she thinks of me, I want her and I'm going to get her".
(Exciting) This triggers attraction in a woman. A nice guy approaches a
woman as a great provider, good husband or boyfriend. (Boring) Does NOT
trigger attraction.
Nice guys promote themselves as good guys wanting to spend a lifetime with
a woman they just met. This is the mind set that drives woman away like
tear gas at a riot! To attract women a man needs to be unpredictable, off
the wall, different then every other guy out there. The nice guy different
does not cut it. Maybe after your with her 20 years, but by them she will
have left you so it wont matter.
Women want to see dominance, control and a guy that's got his shit
together. A man that doesn't flinch at what a woman says or does to him.
This is the good side of the bad boy and creates attraction. It can be as
simple as keeping eye contact longer then her. She will submit a little bit
and the attraction can be built from there.
I guess when sex is the relationship, it would make sense for women to go
for bad boys. I know that bad boys can make women feel sexy or attractive.
But why or how would that be the basis of a relationship? Rather than
making sex the head and heartof a relationship, why not put it as an aside?
I don't know if everyone is capable of having a bad sex life with someone
while being totally happy and committed, but for those who can - just try
that. You'll have a higher probability of ending up with someone who's
more committed to being a partner and a companion, rather than a lusty
mate. I recognize, however, that having a good sex life doesn't invalidate
relationships, either.
"In other words, a balance is important, right Aryssa?"
Let's cut the crap.....
Could be that woman re assholes. I have had my fair share of abuse from
them. Mostly from those I was not even interested in or asking out. What
men and women don't seem to understand is that woman go 100% on emotion and
feelings with a guy. If the guy does not give her a feeling she will not be
interested. Call it a spark, chemistry or what ever that's what women go
on. A man can be talked into feeling attraction for a woman, a woman really
can't. She needs the feeling above all else. She will stay with a jerk
loser or abusive man because he gives her feeling. Even if it's a bad
feeling she will stay. She will complain about the guy and ask why she
stays. All you need to tell her is "I'll bet the sex is good?" She more
then likely will give you a smile because that's why she stays. He's
exciting and gives her feelings.
Why do super models tend to be with losers and jerks? Because he didn't
come up to her and say she was pretty like every other nice guy idiot did a
million times before. We as humans want different. Nature made it that way
to help us spread out our DNA and diversify the species. Different
personality means different DNA. Less chance of inbreeding.
When it comes to love we are all still primal. You can not tell yourself
things like "I want a woman who likes me for me!," "Why doesn't she like
me? I was so nice to her and gave her everything. Now she's with some jerk!
Women are dumb!" If your a nice guy and woman don't give you the time of
day, then think about what it's like for that woman. How many times a day
does some guy walk up to her with a stupid pick up line? Or tried to get
her attention by saying how pretty she is? Talk to a woman who has an on
line personals ad. Listen tot he crap men write her in the "hopes" she will
reply. Women have lots of time to build a wall to keep out the nice guy
because he's average like every other guy she has met.
As for sex, well the whole purpose of a relationship is for sex. That is
what we are here for is sex. Sex is why we want to be in a relationship.
Women can get there needs met from more then one man. She will have her
sugar daddy, her sex buddy and her emotional tampon (see nice guy!) One
person in the interaction wants sex from the other. Just maybe not at the
same time, but one does. If they don't then someone is are lying.
"Women can get there needs met from more then one man. She will have her
sugar daddy, her sex buddy and her emotional tampon (see nice guy!)"
@Woodsman
"...if you're trying to find a woman you want to grow old with, then it
would be a good idea to find one who liked you for who were. And not some
shallow skank who chooses style over substance."
