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What really helps you to handle her rejection (1,347 reads)
As men we should be well experienced with rejection. But what really helps you to cope when she spurns you.
Here’s an idea. What really helps you to handle her rejection is to recognize that there is a part of your mind, which always takes disappointment seriously. This part connects us to childhood emotional feelings of insecurity. Any disappointment, frustration, and loss will make us feel anxious and small, what we call a "child state." The key to handling rejection is to have COMPASSION for such young feelings. All too often, people are self-critical when they feel vulnerable-e.g. "Why am I making such a big deal of her rejecting me?" This only makes us feel bad. What REALLY works is when we can say, "Look, this WAS a disappointment and she "hooked" child feelings in me. OK, so how can I best take care of myself to get back "on the horse" and get going again." Such self -compassion and active coping can have amazingly positive effects. This is true for both men and women.
The most successful men with women will tell you that they are only successful because they are able to accept her rejection and not take it personally. Again, unsuccessful men take a 'rejection' as a personal assault on their inner child. Don't make that mistake.
I think that one must first acknowledge that rejection will always bring
pain. None among us are immune to experiencing pain from rejection. The
inner child will always long for acceptance. A child still acts on its
inner intent and cannot understand why it is rejected. But slowly and
painfully, in ideal conditions, the child learns not to take rejection
personally, but rather learn to see that it points another way. It serves
to show the child that we are not all the same, not everyone likes the same
things as we do, not everyone sees the world as we do.
The sting of rejection has been scientifically documented - we are such
socially-wired creatures, we actually experience physical pain when we are
rejected. And yet it's inevitable... either risk rejection or sink into
stagnation where you never try anything different. So how do you develop
the emotional resiliency to handle the literal sting of rejection? Sophia's
post gives a great place to start practicing self-acceptance and
strengthening your self-concept to keep risking -- and growing.
I really don't think women understand rejection. They do most of the
rejecting. To a woman being rejected is dating a man for a few months and
they break up. That's not rejection, that is a failed relationship.
Rejection is approaching the opposite sex and not even getting two words in
before your told off or ignored. Or looking at a someone your attracted to
across the room and smiling at them and they give you the eye roll. Also
getting signals from the opposite sex and when you approach them you find
out it was a joke. That is how a man sees rejection. I really don't know
any men that would reject a woman in the first few seconds of meeting them.
No matter if he is attracted to her or not. You always have some chance
with a man. You need to prove yourself bad to a man. Women assume all men
are bad and we need to prove yourself as being good.
My college roomate was a ladies man and seemingly a chick magnet. He once
explained to me that his secret was just simple perseverance. He said that
he go turned down just as often as any average guy. More in fact because he
tried more often. But along with more rejections, he also got more
successes as a result of trying more often. His thick skin to rejection was
his secret of success. That and perseverance.
And that ladies and gentlemen is what women are talking about when they say
they want a guy with confidence. My roomate was that guy because he had no
fear of rejection cause he knew there were many women he was attracted to
and one (or more) of them would want him. So it didn't matter who didn't
want him. It only mattered who did, and he knew that with enough
perseverance he would succeed.
In late grade school and jr. high the "incrowd" set of girls world
collectively put down or make fun of the non-incrowd guys. By high school
the average females were trying to become friends with the incrowd girls
and, of course, they were uncool if they flirted with one of the
non-incrowd guys. Unfortunately guys tend to takes this with them into
life. So when we want to approach a woman our minds flash back to
grade/high school and we freeze (become a wuss). Overcomming this mindset
is a real challenge. At least this is my 2 cents.
