"What is a jerk (whether male or female)?" 1322

By Caron

A jerk is (whether male or female) a person who exudes their own confidences and does not care how they are represented in a social context. A jerk/ bad person has vibrancy, personality, a sense of adventure, excitement and sexiness (usually directly because of this sense of adventure and excitement). A jerk doesn't need you, but will use you to boost their own ego's. Getting laid/ scoring means one more notch on the belt and one more boost to their ego- it's not about you, it's about how they view their own self and how they value themselves.

I've been the jerk and I did so because deep down inside I needed attention to boost my self-confidence and self worth. I used so many guys because I needed a fix, and you know what, I got my fair share back too.

Like attracts like. Whether it's at the time or later, you do get what you give out. I am fortunate that I am reforming my behavior and seeing the error of my ways but it's not been easy. I am seeing that my self worth must come from the way I hold myself and the way I treat other people. I now feel that I can call myself a nice girl but not without first knowing what it takes to be a bad one.

One of my best friends is a typical nice girl and I saw her time and time again go for the bad boys and this was for one main reason. She felt empowered by them- much the same way I empowered the nice boys I used- because they (bad guys) have all this (apparent) confidence and this nice girl wanted some of this, rather than look within she absorbed it from him.

As a bad girl I went for weaker boys because it was easier to get what I wanted from them; a fix of attention. They didn't realize that at the time because I had this ability to make them feel incredibly special, unique and like they were the only person I cared for. Truth was I didn't care at all. I saw sex as a way evaluate my self worth, regardless of the type of man I went for; if I got laid I was attractive.

From my best friends experiences it works, I think, the same way. She got attention therefore she was worth something, regardless of where that attention came from. I think the way I made men feel was the same as the way men made her feel; unique and downright sexy.

No rights were reserved when it came to the attention I gave. I wanted to make men feel like they were riding the crest of a never-ending wave and I was able to do anything to achieve that. I came off as this exuberant, sexy, confident woman that truly appeared to know how to fuck a man properly.

This is what my nice friend described about her bad boys and I began to see a pattern emerging as I mopped up her tears. I was one of them. It took a long time of self evaluating to realize why I was doing what I was doing and my nice girl taught me a lot about my own self worth. Now I feel as though I know how to treat people with respect and worth because I know how to give myself that.

This is of course my experience of what makes a bad person and a nice person attracted to the opposite, it is by no means the way it is for all, but I truly believe that how a person holds themselves and how a person values themselves has a lot to answer for.

Had I, and my nice girl, had the confidence to hold our heads high for the purpose of our own self-worth, then you can bet we'd be looking for someone of the same ideology, it is a lesson I think many people- if not all people- learn one way or another and we realize this most often later on in life. Here's to holding onto the hope that we learn this sooner rather than later for the sake of the nice people waiting for us.