Kate Welles (Famke Janssen) in Love & Sex (2000)

I have yet to meet a woman who does not judge a man by what he does and how much he makes.  Everything revolves around the financial status and if you tell me different, well then we must agree to disagree, because anyone who tells me it does not matter or is not important, well your full of it. 

I have been out of work, had financial difficulties from time to time as most people do, and I can tell you from past experience that when the money is running low or starts to disappear, the affection and the love soon follow.  I do not believe for a minute that in todays world there is a woman alive who will stay in a relationship based solely on love, sorry i ain't buying that crap anymore!!! 

All women will look for the nearest guy who can give them all the material and financial security they need and will drop you like a bag of bricks, regardless of how much they were in "love" with you or for how long.  They are always looking for the next sugardaddy, that is todays world, and yes ladies, i would rather be alone than go thru anymore agony and heartbreak over cash, it ain't worth it!!!!!!!!

"Make a date for sex," says Castleman, a health journalist who previously answered questions about sexuality submitted to the Playboy advisor. "Don't let it be an afterthought," he tells WebMD. "Do whatever you like to do beforehand, go to a movie or dinner, take a walk, have a glass of wine by candlelight, whatever the couple likes to do as a couple. But set aside that time."

But, you might cry, isn't scheduling unromantic? Isn't sex supposed to be spontaneous? Rare is the lover with a daily planner fetish, after all.

But Castleman has a blunt response. "Grow up," he says. "What's the problem with making a date for sex? People make plans for other things they enjoy, like ski trips or dinners out."

Weston agrees. "I think most people, especially couples with kids, have to plan ahead because they already have so much jammed into their schedules," she says. "Sure there are times when things spontaneously fall together, but those are happy accidents."

Get Out of the House

One good suggestion for a better love life is to take regular nights away from home.

"For couples that have been together for a while, sex can become routine," says Castleman. "You're worn out by the end of the day, after the job, the laundry, the kids' soccer games, and the errands.

"And instead of champagne and oysters on the half shell with a sweeping view of Lake Tahoe as your reward, you've got your same old crummy house and peanut butter and jelly and that's about it," he says. It's not exactly conducive to an exciting sex life.

It can be hard to give into the moment when you're having sex in your all-too-familiar bedroom. Your mind wanders. Did I remember to set the alarm clock? How much will it cost to repair that water damage on the ceiling?

"Lovemaking is, fundamentally, a present moment experience," says Castleman. "The best sex comes when you're not thinking about the past or the future, but only the present. And that can be hard in a room where you've always got grandma's picture smiling down on you."

Castleman recommends getting away to a place that is stripped of these reminders of everyday life. It doesn't have to be a fabulous spot by the ocean, or at least it not every time. A non-descript place off the Interstate might be just fine.

Redecorate the Bedroom

Of course, having a sex life that's wholly dependent on trysts at hotels and overnight babysitters may be a problem if you're not fabulously wealthy, childless, and unemployed. So in addition to some trips away, make some changes at home.

"The bedroom does build up a lot of mundane associations," says Weston. "But if you can do anything to transform your bedroom into something new and different, that can make a big difference."

And a better love life doesn't require installing a revolving bed or ceiling mirrors. "You don't need to do something that will freak out the kids or the housekeeper," says Weston.

Lighting some candles is an obvious suggestion. But maybe getting a nicer set of sheets and a new bedspread will make a difference. Also, removing some of the junk -- the kids' toys, the piles of laundry -- that tends to accumulate in a bedroom out can have an effect. Think about ditching the bedroom TV, too, or at least trying life without it for a while.

Figure Out What You Really Want

Everyone's got sexual fantasies of one sort or another. But for some people, those fantasies can be buried pretty deep. If your partner were to turn to you tonight and say, "What's your ultimate sexual fantasy?" or "What do you want to change about how we have sex?" do you know what you'd say?

If you're not sure, you're not alone. "Some people have to do a little work at figuring out what really arouses them," says Weston. But figuring out what you want is key to having a better love life.

So give it a little effort. Weston observes that there are plenty of tools out there to help: books, magazines, videos, and so on. Once you've come up with some ideas, telling your partner about them could be fun for both of you.

Find Out What Your Partner Wants

And then there's the flip side: You need to ask your partner the same questions that you've asked yourself. What does your partner want from your love life?

According to Weston and Castleman, one of the most common complaints they hear is that one partner wants to have sex more than the other.

Some people may huffily assume that they just have higher sex drives than their partners do. But maybe your partner is looking for something different out of your love life but hasn't felt able to ask. So bring up the subject. Talking openly might bring you closer to one another, and that's likely to make sex more interesting for both of you.

Try Something New

Trying something new in the bedroom is a pretty obvious suggestion for attaining a better love life, but it's one that many people have trouble following.

"For a lot of couples, the longer they're together, the more they play it safe sexually," says Weston. "You think it would go the other way, that as people get more comfortable in a relationship they feel more secure to try new things. But that's not the case."

Castleman agrees. "People resist change, especially intimate change," he says. "If you're in an established relationship, you may feel like you have more to lose. You don't want to rock the boat."

But both Castleman and Weston recommend resisting the impulse to play it safe. This can mean all sorts of things -- maybe lingerie, massage, sex toys and so on -- and trying something new doesn't have to be outrageous.

"People have a lot of crazy notions about what a sexual fantasy should be," says Castleman. "They think it must mean S&M or sex on a Ferris wheel. But there are a lot less wild ways of experimenting with something new."

Weston agrees. "One small change that can have a big effect is to interrupt the pattern to how you usually have sex," says Weston. "If you're usually the shy one who waits for the other person to begin things, try starting it yourself. Just take a risk, even if it's a little one."

Don't Ignore Sexual Problems

Sexual problems are a much more open secret now than they once were. For instance, thanks to the efforts of pharmaceutical companies and late night comics, there aren't many people left in the country who aren't aware of medications for erectile dysfunction.

Of course, that doesn't mean that everyone who needs help is getting it.

"People who have sexual problems do often shy away from sexuality because they don't want to face failure," says Weston. "But these problems need to be addressed head on."

Erectile dysfunction has received the most attention, but there are plenty of other issues too, such as premature ejaculation, a loss of libido, or difficulty reaching orgasm caused by medications or medical conditions

Weston reports that women are coming forward in larger numbers and reporting sexual problems too, such as pain during intercourse or an inability to orgasm. According to Castleman, many women complain about vaginal dryness during sex, which can be painful.

"Lubrication is important," says Weston. "Because in terms of how aroused a person is, lubrication for a woman is the equivalent of an erection for a man."

Some sexual problems may need medical attention, while others can be solved by trying different sexual techniques or buying a $5 bottle of lubricant. But the important thing is not to muddle through with problems that are making your sex life worse. Don't settle for a mediocre sex life.

And finally, Weston is quick to point out that no matter what you've heard, drugs for erectile dysfunction do nothing to increase a person's sex drive.

Go Slowly

Some couples find that, the longer they're together, the briefer and more businesslike their sexual encounters can become.

Castleman likens it to navigating a new neighborhood. When you move to a new place, you're always trying out different routes to get to the supermarket or the hardware store. But after time, you decide on the fastest route and only take that one. No more meandering. The same thing happens to couples as they become more familiar with each other sexually.

But the fastest, most efficient route is definitely not what you want in the bedroom. Focusing on the destination -- and only the obvious parts of the anatomy -- is the worst thing you can do, he says.

"The best sex emerges from whole body sensuality -- leisurely, playful, creative," says Castleman. "It has no real direction, a little of this, a little of that."

Castleman argues that men especially have a tendency to go too fast, something that's encouraged by the down-and-dirty efficiency of sex in pornography. But Castleman says that many men find that their sexual problems -- such as premature ejaculation -- subside when they learn to take their time.

"Leisurely love-making benefits everyone," says Castleman. "Women get more turned on and enjoy sex more, while men have fewer sexual problems and feel more confident about themselves in bed. Everybody wins."

Don't Worry About What Everyone Else Is Doing

According to Weston and Castleman, one of the most common questions they get is, "How much should we be doing it?" The question implies that the answer is obvious: more than I am now.

Feeling like you "should" be having a better love life is probably universal. It explains the vast number of titles about sex in the self-help section of the bookstore, and the constancy of articles about sex advertised on magazine covers at the checkout counter (or why so many people click on articles with titles like, say, "10 Secrets to a Better Love Life.")

Castleman observes that the culture we live in -- and especially its films, whether Hollywood romances or pornography -- encourages us to think that we're not living up.

So how often "should" you have sex? "There's no answer to that," says Weston. "Stop trying to decide how much sex you should have and decide how much you want."

Keep Trying

Having a better sex life will take some work. It's like this: for many people, life is an unremitting guerilla war with those extra 10 pounds that ambush you when you're not paying attention. In the same way, people can fall into a sexual rut, a "blah" love life, unless they're making an effort to keep things exciting.

You should expect that some attempts will fall flat. A stab at a sexual role-play may be rendered ridiculous by an ill-timed call and rambling answering machine message from your mother-in-law. Or maybe the aromatic candles make you sneeze violently. Trying something new is always putting you at risk of failure.

But the important thing is to keep trying anyway. Don't let self-consciousness make you play it safe. You should never accept a just average love life.

So there they are: the 10 secrets to a better love life. But, you may exclaim, I think I've heard some of these before. It's a fair point. For instance, upon reading that communication is important for a healthy love life, there is no person in America who will smack her forehead and say, "Golly, and all this time I thought not communicating was the right idea!"

Admittedly, these suggestions are not secrets. Or at least they aren't secrets like the purpose of Stonehenge or the fate of Amelia Earhart. We've read the magazines, and watched the daytime talk shows. Many of us know what we're supposed to do to have a better love life.

But if we already know this stuff, why do we keep buying the magazines and watching the TV shows that tell us what we already know? Ultimately, our good intentions fail and we lapse back into lazy habits. We let the other stuff in life take over.

So the most important suggestion for a better love life is probably the last one: Just keep trying. Making a consistent effort is the key.

"If someone says that they don't have time or energy for a good sex life, then they can't expect to have a good sex life," says Castleman. "It's that simple."

Reviewed By Ann Edmundson, MD
 
Want a better love life that goes beyond Valentine's Day romance? Prize your partner's happiness and well-being above your own, a new survey suggests.

Those feelings -- called altruistic love -- are at the heart of the survey, which included more than 1,300 people, 60% of whom were married.

The findings:

Married people with lots of altruistic love for their spouse had happier marriages.
Married or not, altruistic love for a significant other was tied to higher levels of general happiness.
The survey was part of the General Social Survey, directed by Tom W. Smith, PhD, of the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago.

Rate Your Own Altruistic Love

Curious about your own level of altruistic love? Rate how strongly you agree or disagree with these statements:

I would rather suffer myself than let the one I love suffer.
I cannot be happy unless I place the one I love's happiness before my own.
I am usually willing to sacrifice my own wishes to let the one I love achieve his/hers.
I would endure all things for the sake of the one I love.
By a long shot, the majority of survey participants agreed or strongly agreed with those statements.

Nearly nine in 10 agreed or strongly agreed with the first statement. About seven in 10 agreed or strongly agreed with the second statement. About eight in 10 agreed or strongly agreed with the last two statements.

Happier in Marriage

Married people "that express a high sense of altruistic love toward their significant other turn out to have much happier marriages," Smith tells us..

Altruism is usually defined as helping others without getting anything back, Smith notes. "In this case, it turns out there is a positive payback," he says.

Married people get a "significant increase" in marital happiness if they have "this kind of self-sacrificing, put-the-interest-of-the-other-before-my-own-interest perspective on their romantic and close relationships," says Smith.

Altruistic love can create a positive cycle in relationships, he adds.

"I'll say I put my wife's interests ahead of mine," Smith explains. "Well, she appreciates that and she does the same back to me, and it strengthens the relationship and it leads to a happier marriage. So, I think that's the mechanism."

More studies are needed to check that theory, Smith says.

Not Just for Married People

Married people were more likely to rank high in altruistic love than the unmarried. But altruistic love was a boon for everyone -- no wedding band required.

"Having feelings of altruistic love toward the significant other -- a spouse, co-habitating partner, a simple romantic interest, which hasn't gone as far as either of those relationships -- not only leads to greater marital happiness but general increase in general happiness in one's life," Smith says.

Humans are "both self-interested and self-sacrificing," he notes. "I think sometimes we think of us as only in competition and material benefit and whatnot, and there's clearly more to human psychology than that."--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SOURCES: National Opinion Research Center, University of Chicago: "Altruism and Empathy in America: Trends and Correlates." Tom W. Smith, PhD, director, General Social Survey, National Opinion Research Center, University of Chicago. News release, University of Chicago.

.

My definition of love is being able to make out with him and knowing he won't be pissed if that's all I want to do.

My definition of love is my bf kissing me even though he knows I'm sick.

My definition of love is taking off from work early so I can take my bf's brother to the hospital cause he fucked up his leg.

My definition of love is my bf taking me to see King Kong even though he know I am going to go on and on about Adrien Brody.

My definition of love is buying him the Alicia Keyes Cd even though I know he's going to go on and on about how hot she is.

My definition of love (and trust) is watching another girl sit on my bfs lap and not getting upset.

My definition of love is my bf treating me exactly the same as he always has after finding out I have arthritis.

My definition of love is my bf holding me and listening to me whine and cry after Hurricane Rita hit my hometown.

My definition of love is my bf feeling comfortable enough with me to tell me about his sister who died in a car accident.

My definition of love is combing the dandruff out of his hair and not getting grossed out.

My definition of love is my bf getting a wiff of me after I have been working out and thinking I'm the sexiest thing ever.

I have thousands of definitions for love. And it's not something you are going to find with someone you see as a sex object

DJ 

 

The more creative a man is, the more sexual partners they are likely to have, UK investigators have found.

There are historical examples of creative people who were as notorious for their sexual exploits as their creative talents.

Actor Errol Flynn, famous for his lead role in the 1938 The Adventures of Robin Hood, had a reputation as the original Hollywood hellraiser, with his off-screen exploits often overshadowing his prolific film career.

Screen legend Marlon Brando, famous for his roles in On the Waterfront and The Godfather, had at least 11 children with three ex-wives and various other women.
The real Casanova, who boasted relationships with more than 100 women in his memoirs, was the son of actor parents."

bbc

The proposition contained in the aforementioned article does not seem to have taken into consideration a number of factors.

1.
The creative person may be ‘luckier in love’ because s/he is less likely to conform to customs and conventions in general, and specifically, those founded in the traditions of monogamy. Thus, s/he may be more likely to attempt to venture where the less deviant dare not go. Out of a hundred tries, s/he may be able to get ‘lucky’ ten times. This does not mean that they are more appealing because they are ‘creative’, but that they, unrestrained by traditional norms, may be more resolute in what might otherwise be considered immoral behaviour. In other words, s/he who tries, tends to stand a better chance that s/he who doesn’t.

2.
Secondly, ‘creative’ persons are not recognised as a phenomenon in themselves. Rather, the identification of ‘creative’ persons is subject to existing social tendencies to deem some persons as ‘creative’ over others. When the law of supply and demand is applied in a context where a particular aspect of the human personality has been developed within a particular social milieu – such as the capitalist system that views ‘prominence’ itself as a desirable ‘trait’ – particular persons are recognised as ‘creative’ due to their version of ‘creativity’ being associated with ‘prominence’. With this association, such persons’ social value is increased. They become more desirable as a whole and may have more amorous opportunities than the thus contradistinguishably defined, ‘average’ bloke off the street. Thus, the above study could just as well be of the amorous value of prominence rather than ‘creativity’ per se.

3.
When we take into consideration point 2., we also have to take on board the fact that social value being attributed to particular persons will generally have the effect of enhancing the valued person’s feelings of self-efficacy. One of the by-products of such feelings is self-confidence. This self-confidence may again serve to instigate their trying where others can expect rejection. While they might fail time to time, they can compensate for any feelings of negative self-worth by attributing this rejection to external factors whilst attributing success to their being ‘creative’ and socially valued persons. In this sense, we can say that confidence might play a significant role the link between ‘creativity’ and number of partners.

4.
The prominence attributed to ‘stars’ or ‘celebrities’ will generally also lead to positive views of their associated traits such as their appearance, style, etc. Those who aren’t part of the ‘star collective’ but who possess similar traits may also be ‘luckier’ in love for ‘looking like Tom Cruise’. But prior to this, they may, recognising their similarity with these ‘creative persons, seek to adopt similar lifestyles, perceptions, activities and careers of equal or similar social value. Thus, it would, in this case, be more true to say that conformity to valued traits is of greater market value than creativity itself.

5.
Instead of saying ‘creativity’ gets ‘lucky in love’, we could also say that the state of personality deprivation amongst the masses who are professionally and intellectually cultured, coutured and contoured within the capitalist milieu will be deprived of many other developmental possibilities as personalities to the point that they are not too dissimilar to just about every other cog within the machinery. In other words, you will have to be relatively deprived prior to ‘choosing’ what your object of worship or desire is to be. (so much for the ‘freedom of choice’ and ‘expression’.) It is within such ‘market conditions’ that ‘demand’ is directed towards the few who are able to set trends rather than follow them. (of course, if one was to look closely enough, these ‘trendsetters’ are themselves acting according to particular customs and conventions.) We can thus go on to say that it is not that ‘creativity’ sells, but that ‘relative deprivation’ buys. Basically, what this means is that the nocturnal value of any individual for being ‘creative’ can only be increased when the daytime value of the masses are conformed to the requirements of the system.

Sum

The problem with the correlation suggested in the study lies in its attributing to ‘creativity’ that which actually has other preceding or extraneous causes. This correlation serves to detract us from querying after the factors that truly bring about such correlations and which may very well be indicative of an underlying social ailment. By giving credit where it is not due, as ostentatiously applied to the allegedly ‘creative’ persons of our times, it leads to the underdevelopment of the myriad and multitude of human potentials that languish in oblivion within those not satisfying the particular, and currently ‘adolescent’, appetites of a space and time.

An additional and more dire problem is that such studies do not explore the idea of creativity in itself but rather take existing subjective and systemically produced notions of creativity as symptomatic of the objective condition of creativity. In doing so, it perpetuates the notion that existing ideas of ‘creativity’ are indeed examples of creativity per se, thus serving to claim ‘creativity’ for its existing instances and narrowing humanity’s creative propensities as it seeks to emulate the ‘creative’ people of our times. Besides this, we ought to distinguish between 'love' and 'lust' or promiscuity or we stand to risk synonymising the former with the latter. It seems that these 'scientists' are gradually becoming part of the problem they are attempting to study and serving as extraneous factors themselves.

Additionally, for one to consider an actor to be ‘creative’ is to simultaneously acknowledge that one who pretends passion is to be preferred to one who feels it in real life. It admits subconsciously that passion, one of the distinguishing hallmarks of traditional humanity, has no place in real life except in the staged affectations of the ‘creative’ actor. Attributing ‘creativity’ to people who pretend to be in love or to be heroic is a mockery of ‘creativity’ and humanity and validates the relative passionate and aspirational void in our lives.

The link between Creativity and 'Luck in Love' is best studied when the aforementioned factors are controlled or taken into consideration when positing such propositions in public as it may serve to reinforce existing tendencies to appreciate things superficially. There is a world of difference between 'Creative People' and people perceived to be 'creative' or promoted as being 'creative'. This indicates the potency of other factors that may play as significant a role, if not more, than 'creativity'.

Perhaps we could study the association between Creativity and marital or relationship success and satisfaction, or, the extent to which creativity in social life translates to creativity in the boudoir and how many repeat visits this incites on the part of non-creative participants.

sophia

Taken from: http://verewig.blog-city.com/are_creative_people_luckier_in_love.htm

About PEA: In the early stages of a new relationship your bodies are flooded with the love hormone PEA.

Levels of PEA subside after a while - if they didn't nobody would ever get any work done. But you can start losing interest in sex.

Then real life starts getting in the way - children, or work, or general exhaustion. And it's common to find your partner somewhat less devastating than you did at first once you are used to their snoring, duvet-stealing ways.

Whereas going to bed once signalled a passionate encounter between the sheets, now it simply means getting a good night's sleep.

Forget that old phrase "head over heels." Now it's "heels over hypothalamus." Turns out, love isn't blind; it's chemically induced. Here's a short list of the culprits:

Testosterone: We're all familiar with this one (couldn't write those alpha males without it). The hormone, produced in both men and women, regulates sexual desire.

Phenylethylamine: PEA is a neurotransmitter released by a region of the brain called the hypothalamus. Theresa Crenshaw, M.D., author of The Alchemy of Love and Lust, (Pocket Books; 1997) calls PEA "the molecule of love". It plays a part in the "falling in love" stage accompanied by feelings of euphoria. But PEA doesn't work alone when you are attracted to someone.

Dopamine: May be involved in the "attention-getting" phase of attraction, signaling the brain that a potential reward, in this case a love interest, is nearby and helping focus your attention on that person. Its release in the brain makes people more talkative and excitable and is a factor in attention deficit disorder.

Serotonin: Closely associated with the control of moods, which everyone knows can fluctuate drastically in the process of falling in love. Used in anti-depressant medications. May be a factor in violent behavior and thrill seeking.

Norepinephrine: Gets your blood racing and primes you for action. As part of the "fight or flight" response, this neurotransmitter is flooding your heroine's brain when she faces the hero and wonders if she should kiss him or kill him.

Tragically, the effects of PEA seem to have a time limit. Researchers estimate the decay rate of the neurotransmitter at between 18 months and five years, which may explain why many relationships end in that time period. But all is not lost when PEA is. Evidence suggests that a second biochemical reaction can start which helps couples bond and form long-term attachments.

Oxytocin: Long known to play a role in childbirth and breastfeeding in women, this hormone may also influence bonding between adults. A female prairie vole (prairie voles are monogamous — a story of true and everlasting love in the animal kingdom) when given oxytocin and then shown a male will pick out and bond with that specific male even when placed in a cage containing many males. Females deprived of oxytocin will not bond at all. Both men and women release oxytocin at the moment of sexual orgasm, suggesting that it might be involved in strengthening the bond between couples. Another hormone, vasopressin, seems to have a similar effect on male prairie voles.

No discussion of chemicals in love would be complete without mentioning chocolate. We've all heard that the quality of fats in dark chocolate triggers the brain's production of natural opiates. Which explains why we "self medicate" with chocolate when we are in a bad mood. In a recent study, researchers identified three compounds in chocolate that enhance a feeling of well-being. One of the compounds, anandamide, is a cannabinoid and activates the same receptors in the brain as the active ingredient in marijuana, creating a mini-high from chocolate. The other two compounds, which in pot smoking induce "the munchies", increase a person's appetite, explaining my inability to eat just one Dove chocolate. The researchers are investigating whether the compounds can be refined to use against depression and anorexia.

Human's don't produce enough PEA to stay in love very long. Just long enough to reproduce. How's that warm your heart? Prairie voles have enough PEA to remain together and faithful for a life time.

PEA is the procreation hormone not the love hormone

To raise a children, requires both parents (A village actually). There comes a time in a child's life (around the age of 8/9) when it is time for the "apron strings" to be cut, this is especially of vital importance for boys, and it is here that the father is of vital importance to help the child cross the bridge from total dependence on the mother to an independent being. I believe the reason so many men struggle today with the wussy problem is because they have not been led across that bridge by a male and they are still caught by the apron strings in relating to women.

On one side most children today is initially deprived of early bonding with the mother, and on the other side they are denied the father-link, no wonder there are such relational problems. For a man this situation is even worse.

Most men raised by single working mothers has to move from a psychological place where he had "... an obsessive fascination with the mother, which led to dead-end, dependent relationships with women – to a state of mind, heart, and soul where he does belong – an identification with the father, self-acceptance, self-confidence, and self-aawareness as a virile, life-giving man... Sheperd Bliss, an international leader in the men's movement, states that many men in this culture do not completely cross over the bridge from the mother's world to the world of men until their middle forties." - Don Elium and Jeanne Elium

For any women to knowingling destroy her children's chances of having balanced relationships, and personal well-being is like the false mother in the King Solomon's story, willing to have the baby cut in half. Knowing what you do to a child by not having children with a man you love, for me is absolutely unthinkable. Having children means that you have a responsibility to the world, and the future. Have we not seen enough examples of one person can ruin the lives of many. What if the one person was your child? A child raised in a loving home has has an advantage in life that nothing can surpass. On the working front giving a happy home to children also means that both parents have to be less ambition driven, be prepared to have less luxeries, and give their children what they need most; their parents' personal time with them. 

sophia 
 

We fear those we love because they are the ones who can hurt us the most, and when they do, it's not such a big leap from that realized fear to hate.

There is also the added evolutionary psychology related trigger that for some reason makes us want to believe that the one we love is more important, equal to, or better than ourselves. When they betray us, we find out that they are not (even if we've betrayed them). This is a sort of a shock to the system...so much so that some otherwise sane people will kill the other or themselves in the belief that this will make the resulting pain go away.

Love itself is a crazy thing.

We spawn wrinkly, wet, undeveloped, weak, vulnerable beings from our bodies, and love them more than our own lives. We risk our lives to bear them, and work our lives away to raise them. Most of us love them as we did on that first day we looked into their little half blind eyes, even when they grow up to be crappy adults.

Romantic love is no more or less crazy than parental love.

Mamasan
 

If they chase an unpredictable bad boy for how he makes them feel, and they chase a stable good guy for what he can provide for them, where does real love come into the equation (you know, the part where you fall in love with the PERSON)? Is that not important anymore?

Ali 
 

When I as a woman surrender to a man, I am saying that I trust you with my vulnerability. By surrendering I am opening myself in trust. Which in return allows for a bonding to happen.

sophia
 
Poster URL http://verewig.blog-city.com

 "The betrayal by a lover can trigger an ego death followed by the birth of a more soul-rooted self and the discovery of the larger story in which we play a soulful part.

But if we are going to redeem our romantic betrayals, we must ultimately practice forgiveness. We must eventually recognise the betrayer as the instrument of the sacred, the person who was capable of wounding us in just the right way necessary for our further initiation (growth).

Romance places us face-to-face with death in one additional way. The deeper the heart-to-heart connection, the keener the awareness of its inevitable loss, wheher through death or other forms of parting. We feel death lingering around the edges of our most intimate conversations. We know we will sooner or later be separated. Therefore, rather than pushing it away or stoically accepting it, we might boldly ask death to become a third party to the romance. Death will then walk with us, bringing us into the presence of every moment. When death whispers that this may be our last chance to touch, the fullness of the now expands and offers the possibility of soul-to-soul contact. Death coaches us in love."

Bill Plotkin

Anyone that believes that love is a battlefield, has never really loved. Love is about co-operation. Often our betrayals by lovers leads us to a more mature approach to love, it removes the naive rose-tinted glasses and allows you to love even though you know that you might loose.

Interesting that young children perceives the death of a parent as a batrayal, an abandonment by the parent.

sophia 

We live in a world where good deeds are rewarded and bad deeds are not. As children we are taught that "mommy and daddy" will give you love based on the conditions:

1. be a good girl/boy 2. get good grades 3. clean up your room 4. be quiet 5. be successful etc etc etc.... unfortunately..we as a society are used to earning love thru deeds and accomplishments. love is not given freely for just "being" we learn to give based on how much we receive. how many parents have told thier children..."i love you" just for being here....not many. untill we learn to love "unconditionally" we will always place stipulations on how love is given

kiki 
 

Reasons to Walk Together:

Walking is good exercise for both of you.

Walking together gives the two of you some time alone, or if you take the kids with you, time outdoors as a family.

Walking together provides time to talk to one another without the distraction of telephone, television, computer, etc.

Walking together can reduce anxiety and make you feel calmer.

Walking is good for your hearts.

Walking can help you both lose weight.

Walking can reduce any pain either of you may have in your lower-back.

Aside from needing some comfortable walking shoes, walking is inexpensive.

Walking helps you both get to know your own neighborhood.Some may be walking kids to or from school or to the park to play. Walking together can help you get to know your neighbors who are also walkingSome neighbors may be exercising their dogs. Some of your neighbors may be fitness walkers while others are just out for a stroll. Having lots of walkers in a neighborhood makes it a safer place live.

Walking helps the two of you slow down.

The two of you may find that you both are able to discover solutions to problems and ideas for projects while you are walking.

While walking you both will be more aware of the sound of birds, the beauty and fragrance of flowers, the majesty of trees, the joy in children's voices, and the awesome sense of creation around you. This heightened awareness can also extend to your love for one another.

Walking Together Tips:

Don't take your headphones with you. Use the time you are walking together to talk to each other!

Do some stretching together before you begin your walk and when you end your walk.

Discuss what you will do if one of you wants to walk faster than the other. Some couples compromise on this by walking the slower speed on half of the walk, and then agreeing to let the spouse who wants to walk faster to do so on the way back home.

Schedule time for the two of you to walk together. If you don't make time for walking together, you'll never work it into your busy days.

Alexandra

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