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How do we become aware of when we are in our lizard brain? 21
posted Fri, 06/13/08
In a nutshell, when we experiences stress or change, or when we encounter situations that mirror early childhood experiences, our amygdala kicks in and we react with fight, flight, or freeze behaviors. We typically believe these responses are rational and are all about the present situation we are experiencing. In reality, these responses are often irrational and have very little to do with the present moment. Let me explain.
Last fall, my cousin Dannie and I spent some time together in Puerto Vallarta, MX. Dannie and I have only known each other about four years. His dad and my dad were 20 years apart in age and they didn’t have much contact as adults. Consequently, Dannie and I didn’t even know each other existed until just a few years ago. We like to joke that we are cousins, separated at birth because we are so much alike.
While hanging out in Mexico, Dannie made a statement that when he was younger, his typical response to stress was to get angry. He stated that in order to overcome this unconscious “lizard brain” response, he had to learn to use another part of his brain and become assertive.
I replied that I thought that was really interesting because, historically, my response to stress was to become passive. Like Dannie, I also had to learn how to use a different part of my brain and become assertive.
Even though Dannie and I are a lot alike in many ways, we learned to respond to the emotional impulses of our amygdala in very different ways. He responded with a “fight” response while I typically responded by fleeing or freezing. In spite of our differing lizard brain reactions to stress, we both had to learn do the same thing to overcome these dysfunctional reactions and become better functioning adults.
This is the primary difference between a child and an adult – the ability to use other parts of the brain besides the amygdala to govern choices about how we will think and how we will act.
This brings us to the primary question of this series of articles – How do we become aware of when we are in our lizard brain and then how do we access a different part of our brain that allows us to be assertive rather than reactive?
In other words, how do we learn to think, feel, and act less like immature, frightened children and more like mature, calm adults? Learning to become assertive, authentic, honest, loving and integrated adults involves a three-step process. The three steps are simply this:
1. Become conscious.
2. Soothe yourself.
3. Let go of attachment to outcome.
The remainder of this part of the article will focus on the process of becoming conscious. The next two installments will cover self-soothing and letting go of attachment.
To be conscious simply means to be an “observer of self”. The majority of animal species aren’t capable of this self-awareness. For example, if you place a mirror in front of a dog, cat or a bird, they will respond as if another animal is standing in front of them. Their brains don’t register that the animal is merely a reflection of them.
Small children are also incapable of this kind of self-observation. They are narcissistic by nature. They believe the world revolves around them and that they are the cause of everything that happens to them. If they have a feeling, they express it and expect someone to respond and make them feel better.
Here is what separates you from children and most animals – you can be an observer of what you think, feel, and do. You can be aware of how your actions affect others. You can apply past experiences to possible future situations. You can anticipate consequences. You can have empathy for other people. You can listen (sometimes with amusement) to the chatter in your brain. You can pay attention to your emotional impulses and decide how to act upon them (thus expressions like, “he bit his tongue” or “he restrained himself”). You can become aware of stress responses in your body, such as hunched shoulders or shallow breathing.
Most of the time, you are unconscious of your lizard brain emotions and the behaviors they trigger. You assume that every emotional response you experience when your amygdala is triggered is totally rational and completely related to your current situation – even when everyone around you is trying to figure out why you are reacting the way you are.
Fortunately, we don’t have to be controlled by these feelings and instinctual reactions all our life. Consciousness allows us to be aware of what we are thinking, feeling, and doing and therefore gives us the option to evaluate if these responses are taking us where we want to go.
In other words, you can use different parts of your brain to observe other parts of your brain (and body). Your evolved human mind can actually be an observer of itself.
Try this little exercise to help you learn to be an observer of yourself. As soon as you finish reading this paragraph, close your eyes and check in with yourself. What were you thinking in the last 30 seconds or so? What emotions are you experiencing (mad, sad, glad, anxious)? What are you feeling in your body (tight shoulders, sore neck, tight back, tired, hungry, etc.)? When you are done, open your eyes and continue reading.
All of these thoughts, feelings, and even actions (were you tapping your foot, rubbing your earlobe, slouching?) were all happening just beneath conscious awareness. You didn’t become aware of them until you paused and paid attention to yourself. This is the essence of being conscious – being aware of yourself as much as possible throughout your day.
Here’s reality, you will go unconscious 100,000 times a day. The goal is to regain consciousness 100,000 at times a day until it becomes more the norm. The practice of becoming conscious involves being an observer of yourself more frequently and for longer periods of time. You will always lose consciousness, but hopefully less often and for shorter amounts of time as you become a more effective observer of yourself.
I want to stress that seeking consciousness doesn’t mean spending your life sitting on a rock in a diaper in isolation. It just means checking in with yourself as frequently as possibly for as long as possible throughout your day.
So how can you become more conscious of when you are triggered into your lizard brain and know what it looks like when you are reacting with flight/flight/freeze behaviors? Good question, grasshopper (I just had to get that in).
Let’s begin with your breathing. Most people breathe differently when they are activated by their amygdala.
When you are under stress, your breathing pattern changes – you take small, shallow breaths, using your shoulders rather than your diaphragm to move air in and out of your lungs. When you are relaxed, your breathing is nasal, slow, even, and gentle. So check in, how are you breathing right now? Are your breaths shallow and infrequent or deep from your abdomen? Checking in on your breathing is one of the best ways to become aware of your current stress level. In Part Four of this series, I’ll teach you how to breathe in a way that actually lowers your stress.
Now check in with your body. What are you feeling and where? Where are you tight or sore? Are your shoulders up around your ears or back and relaxed? How does your head feel? Your lower back? Your stomach? All of these body reactions are great clues for how you are doing emotionally. Learn where you store up your stress and then check in frequently with these areas as a way of becoming conscious
Last fall, my cousin Dannie and I spent some time together in Puerto Vallarta, MX. Dannie and I have only known each other about four years. His dad and my dad were 20 years apart in age and they didn’t have much contact as adults. Consequently, Dannie and I didn’t even know each other existed until just a few years ago. We like to joke that we are cousins, separated at birth because we are so much alike.
While hanging out in Mexico, Dannie made a statement that when he was younger, his typical response to stress was to get angry. He stated that in order to overcome this unconscious “lizard brain” response, he had to learn to use another part of his brain and become assertive.
I replied that I thought that was really interesting because, historically, my response to stress was to become passive. Like Dannie, I also had to learn how to use a different part of my brain and become assertive.
Even though Dannie and I are a lot alike in many ways, we learned to respond to the emotional impulses of our amygdala in very different ways. He responded with a “fight” response while I typically responded by fleeing or freezing. In spite of our differing lizard brain reactions to stress, we both had to learn do the same thing to overcome these dysfunctional reactions and become better functioning adults.
This is the primary difference between a child and an adult – the ability to use other parts of the brain besides the amygdala to govern choices about how we will think and how we will act.
This brings us to the primary question of this series of articles – How do we become aware of when we are in our lizard brain and then how do we access a different part of our brain that allows us to be assertive rather than reactive?
In other words, how do we learn to think, feel, and act less like immature, frightened children and more like mature, calm adults? Learning to become assertive, authentic, honest, loving and integrated adults involves a three-step process. The three steps are simply this:
1. Become conscious.
2. Soothe yourself.
3. Let go of attachment to outcome.
The remainder of this part of the article will focus on the process of becoming conscious. The next two installments will cover self-soothing and letting go of attachment.
To be conscious simply means to be an “observer of self”. The majority of animal species aren’t capable of this self-awareness. For example, if you place a mirror in front of a dog, cat or a bird, they will respond as if another animal is standing in front of them. Their brains don’t register that the animal is merely a reflection of them.
Small children are also incapable of this kind of self-observation. They are narcissistic by nature. They believe the world revolves around them and that they are the cause of everything that happens to them. If they have a feeling, they express it and expect someone to respond and make them feel better.
Here is what separates you from children and most animals – you can be an observer of what you think, feel, and do. You can be aware of how your actions affect others. You can apply past experiences to possible future situations. You can anticipate consequences. You can have empathy for other people. You can listen (sometimes with amusement) to the chatter in your brain. You can pay attention to your emotional impulses and decide how to act upon them (thus expressions like, “he bit his tongue” or “he restrained himself”). You can become aware of stress responses in your body, such as hunched shoulders or shallow breathing.
Most of the time, you are unconscious of your lizard brain emotions and the behaviors they trigger. You assume that every emotional response you experience when your amygdala is triggered is totally rational and completely related to your current situation – even when everyone around you is trying to figure out why you are reacting the way you are.
Fortunately, we don’t have to be controlled by these feelings and instinctual reactions all our life. Consciousness allows us to be aware of what we are thinking, feeling, and doing and therefore gives us the option to evaluate if these responses are taking us where we want to go.
In other words, you can use different parts of your brain to observe other parts of your brain (and body). Your evolved human mind can actually be an observer of itself.
Try this little exercise to help you learn to be an observer of yourself. As soon as you finish reading this paragraph, close your eyes and check in with yourself. What were you thinking in the last 30 seconds or so? What emotions are you experiencing (mad, sad, glad, anxious)? What are you feeling in your body (tight shoulders, sore neck, tight back, tired, hungry, etc.)? When you are done, open your eyes and continue reading.
All of these thoughts, feelings, and even actions (were you tapping your foot, rubbing your earlobe, slouching?) were all happening just beneath conscious awareness. You didn’t become aware of them until you paused and paid attention to yourself. This is the essence of being conscious – being aware of yourself as much as possible throughout your day.
Here’s reality, you will go unconscious 100,000 times a day. The goal is to regain consciousness 100,000 at times a day until it becomes more the norm. The practice of becoming conscious involves being an observer of yourself more frequently and for longer periods of time. You will always lose consciousness, but hopefully less often and for shorter amounts of time as you become a more effective observer of yourself.
I want to stress that seeking consciousness doesn’t mean spending your life sitting on a rock in a diaper in isolation. It just means checking in with yourself as frequently as possibly for as long as possible throughout your day.
So how can you become more conscious of when you are triggered into your lizard brain and know what it looks like when you are reacting with flight/flight/freeze behaviors? Good question, grasshopper (I just had to get that in).
Let’s begin with your breathing. Most people breathe differently when they are activated by their amygdala.
When you are under stress, your breathing pattern changes – you take small, shallow breaths, using your shoulders rather than your diaphragm to move air in and out of your lungs. When you are relaxed, your breathing is nasal, slow, even, and gentle. So check in, how are you breathing right now? Are your breaths shallow and infrequent or deep from your abdomen? Checking in on your breathing is one of the best ways to become aware of your current stress level. In Part Four of this series, I’ll teach you how to breathe in a way that actually lowers your stress.
Now check in with your body. What are you feeling and where? Where are you tight or sore? Are your shoulders up around your ears or back and relaxed? How does your head feel? Your lower back? Your stomach? All of these body reactions are great clues for how you are doing emotionally. Learn where you store up your stress and then check in frequently with these areas as a way of becoming conscious
