From Sophia's Blog verewig
What Women Want
How does he make her feel so sexy?
"Her Tests" 234
Women are fully aware of men's problems with communication. Think not? Read any women's magazine -- they're chock-full of information about this! This understanding leads to a little event I call "The Test." The test is a situation (often manufactured) that puts the relationship, and more directly YOU, in a position where you have to act. Not acting (or acting incorrectly) will lead to humiliation, loss of affection or intimacy, looking bad in front of your friends, family, co-workers, etc., and usually loss of the relationship.
The test has become so prevalent in our society that it almost always goes unnoticed for what it is. Next time you're watching a movie or a TV sitcom and you see a male character running around like a madman trying to handle something created by his love interest, you're probably seeing a test!
Why would women actually create relationship problems? This seems ridiculous to most men. After all, how would you feel if one of your buddies tried to create problems between you two to see how you'd handle it? You'd just laugh at him! Women, on the other hand, have learned to test their men because they want to be with men that are able to pass tests!
Men don't often admit it, but they know that women control many aspects of the relationship. For example, they decide when you'll first have sex. They'll also decide IF you'll have sex! Men are ready to jump on just about anything. Women have evolved to be more discerning. Thus, along with basic physical, emotional and financial characteristics you must meet, to be truly successful, you must also be able to pass women's tests or just walk away. Many men nowadays prefer to walk away than to deal with her crap.
what are tests?
Tests are not problems for you to solve, although they seem that way at first. In fact, to pass a test, you shouldn't try to solve anything. Tests are about how you react, not about a solution. Men often react to tests by getting angry, confused, or just giving in. If you do any of these, you'll either get more tests, or she'll view you as a loser. Either way, you'll have failed her test.
Women want men they can look up to and rely on. If you have good self-esteem and present a strong, confident "male" image, then you're well on your way to passing her tests. In fact, this is really what the test is all about. It's about proving you're the man she hopes you are.
Men are confused about what women want today. I constantly hear men ask things like, "Should I be sensitive?" "Should I be emotional?" "Should I cry?" As well, I hear women screaming that they want their men to be men. It's no wonder that men are confused. Thank radical feminists for this confusion.
rules for handling tests
As we've already seen in the last two parts, there are many problems men can have with women (okay, to be fair, there are many problems women have with men too). They take on so many forms that it's impossible to discuss every one of them.
Recognize your strengths and weaknesses
Why is she dating or married to you? There must be something that she finds appealing. It's probably your masculine traits. If you're not sure, ask her. Focus on your strengths (in her eyes) and always fall back on them when you're in a bind. Maybe you're only the best she could find for now.
Decide upfront what you want from your relationship
And resolve absolutely that you will not accept anything else. This is a powerful stance and greatly eases the burden of tests and any other general craziness. Remember, you have the right to expect basic courtesy, consideration and respect from your lover (as does she from you). Deciding not to tolerate a lack of any of these things is critical.
Pay attention to things
Many problems arise from not being aware of what's going on with her. Of course, you can't keep track of her every mood swing, but you can establish a pattern. This will be very useful later.
Have a plan
Many tests come when we aren't ready for them. For example, you're just getting ready to walk into the theater and she asks, "Where's our relationship going?" You know damn well (as does she) that you can't address this properly in the short time from the line to your seats. She is hoping to get you to commit beyond your current willingness to do so. What do you do? Have a plan!
Be ready for these types of assaults and tell her, "Honey, we can't possibly deal with this adequately now. We'll talk about it later." Then, you actually have to be ready to handle it -- don't let it slide, or you'll be in for more problems. Take some time to actually decide what you want. Then, bring it up before she gets the next chance. This way, not only is she not prepared, but you've thought it out and actually have an answer.
Through talking to many, many readers, I have found that women tend to be ready to move the relationship forward sooner than men (commitment, monogamy, moving in together, marriage, children, etc.). If you're not ready for this, be prepared with something like, "Honey, if you want to get married right now, I'm sure you can find someone that will marry you. On the other hand, if you want to be with someone of value like me, you're going to have to wait a while. The choice is yours." She'll get the picture.
Understand, recognize and be prepared for "The Test"
When a situation arises where you feel confused, angry, or "off balance," ask yourself if this behavior is normal for her. If she's a little nutty, she may just be having an "episode." On the other hand, she may be trying to test you. The first step is recognizing and discerning the event for what it is.
Establish "posture"
You've already decided that you won't accept disrespect or discourtesy. Next, decide that you'll remain calm. Take a moment to think through the situation and find the most powerful position you can take at that moment without having to concede to her game. Then, take it!
No violence under any circumstance
There is no excuse whatsoever for violence on your part, or on hers. Decide right now that you'll neither inflict nor accept violence in any form. Period. Violence is a loud signal of a severe emotional problem. If either of you are violent, seek immediate professional help. No excuses.
Don't get angry
Getting angry causes you to be off balance. This is a difficult enough situation as it is, not being able to respond appropriately makes it worse. Remain calm, think through the situation and deal with it from a point of strength.
Remember, many tests are designed to make you angry. For example, you're watching the game with your buddies and she shows up unexpectedly, when she clearly wasn't invited. When you send her away, she's going to get angry and try to provoke you into anger. Don't worry -- this is part of the test! She'll probably also ask your friends to "vote" on her staying. Stop this and calmly tell her, "No, I won't place my friends in the middle of this, and neither will you." Then, ask her to leave and tell her you'll talk about it later. She'll find new respect for you since you found a calm way to deal with it (and so will your friends).
Put the issue back in her lap
Make her next move the deciding one. If you're not willing to play, she'll have to go it alone. Further, she'll have to find more appropriate ways of dealing with you and your relationship.
is all this worth it?
There are more lonely women now than ever before in history. Hookups are now replacing healthy relationships.
Why not?
I mean, would you like it if a woman behaved as if she didn't need you?
I need the people I love in my life. I could survive without them, but life would have a little less sunshine in it without any one of them. If someone doesn't feel the same for me, then they are the ones I really don't need.
Testing, when done properly, is like a filter to see whether or not you're in it for the long haul. I think it's underhanded for women to take it too far, and not inform their partner that they're going to be tested, but for some guys, this is too much information, and takes the romance out of it.
Informing a man that he's going to be tested is a sort of a test in itself. It's like, "Can you handle honesty? Am I too real for you?"
It's like a staring contest to see if he blinks.
I tell them that they'll get what they give, or according to what they give to the relationship, and that if they don't hold up their end, I won't hold onto them. It seems very simple to me, but for them it's often not dramatic enough. They need a woman with some problems to feel loved or something.
That's why with jerk #2, when I wanted to see if he really was a busy man, or just a bitch who wanted to have his cake and eat it, I mirrored his behavior. At the point of emotional dumping of angst and claims of cruelty, he taught me how to treat him...or how I should have treated him when he did the same things and worse.
Testing is something that everyone entering a romantic relationship should be ready for. If it's something that might lead to cohabitation, then it is more than an investment of emotion and time. It's also financial.
Nobody wants to throw away their time, emotions, and money on a lost cause.
There is a point when it's time to stop testing each other and get on with the relationship though. Life will test the both of you enough, and various life changes might lead to more short testing phases. There is enough on the plate without adding more drama than what's already going to be there naturally.
Once a guy passes my tests (which basically boil down to what
do you want to be to me), the "project" turns to feasability. Nature gives
us our hunting skills, but it also gave us our nurturing skills. Before I
know whether or not someone is worth my time, I'm a tiger. Once I know
they're worth my time, I'm a kitten...not very easily controlled, but very
affectionate.
:-)
Many women seem to be obsessive with their tests. Men always seem to
disappoint women sooner or later. This is said to be one of the main causes
of divorce. If a woman is always looking for fault in a man she will find
it. What do women expect?
It's embarrassing when she puts him down in front of his friends. Her endless tests reveal that she’s too needy and insecure too much of the time. Are her test designed to emasculate him?
Most women are unaware they are testing. They have done it for so long it's
automatic. Rarely will you find a woman who will look in to herself and try
a figure things out. It's up to us men to read and use the code. Answering
questions with more questions usually stops a womans test's.
It's a way for her to start a flirting session.
Example.
Her: Does my ass look fat
Him: Well I wasn't going to say anything
Her: I can't believe you said that!
Him: You brought it up babe! I want you for your mind not your body.
Her: Shut up
2 hours later they will be having sex.
this tests are sadist behaviour,most women enjoy watching men squirm.
the example of "where is this relationship going?" on the way to the
theater is best handled by dumping her right there.
the problem is that most men dont have the balls to do that because of lack
of self esteem due to their upbringing influenced by women.
Is it possible that some people need and want to be needed...while others
are repulsed at being needed?
Lots of tests are flawed - for example naturally button pushing tends to
irritate people, if becomming irritable in response to bullshit is
considered "failing" then the test was rigged. You'd have to be a sociopath
with no feelings to pass some of these "tests".
"Most women are unaware they are testing."
