Confessions of a Married Women 839

I don't blame her - I'd do the same.

Freaking lazy man.

She Comes First and all is taken care of.

Bob [wwlidman@juno.com]

Were is the bad girls blog???????

Please share.

Bob [wwlidman@juno.com]

From my experience, a man who's relatively functional but isn't performing well is either not getting the kind of sex he wants, or is trying to get out of the relationship and not admitting it.

She shouldn't go away mad. Since she had some love for this guy at some point, she should talk about it and start finding out what he really wants and is trying to say before she leaves. Maybe they can make an arrangement like me and my legal spouse did.

Visit me @ http://kthulah.com

Or, it could simply be he will be telling his friends the next day:

Damn wife wouldn't let me sleep. I have a hard day and I put up with her and then she comes in feeling all hot and heavy. So who am I to say "No." I gave it to her and damn if we didn't have a great sleep afterwards.

That could be just one possible scenario. Her reaction and writing-piece certainly doesn't lead me to believe she is anything different than the man she is describing. Pursued the jerk and is now stuck with him - and he stuck with her.

Her first paragraph should be a big red flag for any of us reading this: "If money wasn't an issue, I'd be gone!"

I am sure he knows it, also. It's probably why he doesn't give a whit, and from the sounds of it, neither does she. She is actually rationalizing her decision by the end with the whole blame game and the justified retribution.

I knew people like this in real life. Remember a bunch of anecdotes on this site. Aren't these the very same type of consoling situations nice guys would often find themselves?

Don't be too hasty in the defense of anything, especially given only two paragraphs. For a few years, now, I am wary about a great many things that are said or expressed.

My what a cynical bastard I've become.

Or, it could simply be he will be telling his friends the next day:

Damn wife wouldn't let me sleep. I have a hard day and I put up with her and then she comes in feeling all hot and heavy. So who am I to say No. I gave it to her and damn if we didn't have a great sleep afterwards.

That could be just one possible scenario. Her reaction and writing-piece certainly doesn't lead me to believe she is anything different than the man she is describing. Pursued the jerk and is now stuck with him - and he stuck with her.

Her first paragraph should be a big red flag for any of us reading this: If money wasn't an issue, I'd be gone!

I am sure he knows it, also. It's probably why he doesn't give a whit, and from the sounds of it, neither does she. She is actually rationalizing her decision by the end with the whole blame game and the justified retribution.

I knew people like this in real life. Remember a bunch of anecdotes on this site. Aren't these the very same type of consoling situations nice guys would often find themselves?

Don't be too hasty in the defense of anything, especially given only two paragraphs. For a few years, now, I am wary about a great many things that are said or expressed.

My what a cynical bastard I've become.

It's all about communication and most couples aren't willing to communicate - especially about sex.

If my partner isn't will to talk - I am out of there.

Bob [wwlidman@juno.com]

So what do think?

I wonder if she ever brought up the "issue" to him or if she just got mad and decided to go cheat because she can't think of any other alternative. Notice she describes the whole situation like it's all his fault. Sometimes we just explode sooner than we'd like to. Can't always control that. Maybe since she was so horny it turned him on to the point he couldnt' last long. I mean listen to what she said:

"I tried to not to go too fast but couldn't help pulling him into me." - Maybe if she had taken her time he would not have popped his top so soon.

Regardless I'm sure this is something they could have solved if they worked on it together. But, "true to form" she goes off and uses the problem as an excuse to cheat. I wonder if she's ever even told him how she wants to be "taken care of", or does she expect him to read her mind?

Keep in mind that lots of women fake their orgasms so guys have no idea we're not really getting the job done.

Also, I would always make sure to "take care of" my ex before I got mine but in the end she still left for other selfish reasons. So maybe wives are bound to complain about one thing or another and seek their own backstabbing solutions without trying to get the problem fixed in the marriage/relationship.

He's an "inept fuck up"...wow. I wonder if she ever had the ovaries to say that to his face. Doubt it.

THE BITCH WOKE HIS ASS UP. PUSSY SNEAK ATTACK HAVING ASS. That man was not mentally ready for a good night of fucking. So if you're sleeping and yo woman is suckin yo shyt in yo sleep and you just bust in a minute and some seconds, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT! VIAGRA WILL TIRE YO ASS OUT!

A QUESTION FOR THE LADIES, DON'T YOUR PUSSY EVER GET TIRED? I KNOW A LOT OF YOU LADIES CAN'T LAST PAST ATLEAST 15 MINUTES ON THE BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE. SO WHY DO US MEN GOTTA LAST HOURS UPON HOURS WHEN YO PUSSY MIGHT BE DEAD? LOOK HERE BITCHES, 3-20 MINUTES IS SOME GOOD SHYT. IF YOU CAN'T MAKE A MAN CUM WITHIN THAT MARGIN, THAN YO PUSSY AIN'T GOOD. ENOUGH SAID AND TO THE BITCH WHO WROTE THAT SHYT, YOU AIN'T FOOLIN NOBODY. EVERYBODY CAN SEE THAT YOU AIN'T SHYT SO KILL YOUR PRIDE.

Oh yeah, I think lasting too long is aparantly a problem too. It makes women feel insecure that their sex is no good if you can't blow your load within a certain time frame. It doesn't seem to matter why. Once I was on some antidepressants and one of the side effects was delayed orgasm...the woman took it personal that I couldn't climax. But I told her beforehand I probably would't be able to because of the meds. So she at least had a heads up and knew what to expect. You would think a long lasting erection would be a GOOD thing, right? Wrong. You see they are never satisfied unless everything is PERFECT for them.

Women can slow it down or speed it up. They can do things to make you cum quicker or make you last longer. If they do not know how to do this then maybe they are also inexperienced in the bedroom. But the man gets the blame for not being able to "perform" properly. It works both ways, folks.

Al, true. It is a shame that in one way the Western culture is so liberal when it comes to sex and in another so conservative. There was a time when a man or woman came of age they were taken by the elders of the community and taught the basics of sex and to please the future husband or wife.

Nowadays the young people learn about sex from watching porn, which sets up completely unrealistic expectations, and is completely devoid of sacredness, love or sensitivity.

I believe that because female sexuality is so complex and male sexuality relatively simple, it is a woman's responsibility to educate herself in how to achieve sexual satisfaction. There is a strange hang-over from the conservative past view of sex that it is the man's responsibility to give a woman sexual satisfaction. Today woman wants to be active in all spheres of life but when it comes to sex it is the man's fault she can't achieve satisfaction. A lot of a woman's ability to achieve sexual satisfaction comes from her own self-image and confidence in herself.

Since men are so sensitive about their sexual prowess, it would be pointless for a woman to confront her partner and say, “You don't satisfy me,” that would just make him insecure and lead to further lack in performance. A woman can in a subtle and playful way, teach her man what satisfy her.

When it comes to premature ejaculation, a man really needs the help of the woman. For example according to sex therapists William Masters and Virginia Johnson, premature ejaculation is the easiest sexual problem to treat and could be virtually eliminated. They recommend the following technique;

When a man achieves an erection, the woman can use the 'squeeze technique'. She places her thumb on the underside of the penis (just where the shaft and the head of the penis meet), and she places two fingers on the other side of the penis, one finger on each side of the ridge that separates the head from the shaft. She then squeezes her thumb and first two fingers together for about four seconds. The squeeze should be sufficiently hard to cause the man to loose some of his erection. He will also loose the urge to ejaculate. After about twenty seconds, the woman should manipulate her partner to full erection once more. At the appropriate time, the squeeze is again used to prevent ejaculation. The squeeze technique maybe applied up to five times for a given session.

At first, the squeeze technique can be used during sexual intercourse with the woman on top. If the man is close to ejaculation, the woman raises her body, uses the squeeze technique, and then shortly thereafter reinserts the penis. Another way of supplementing the squeeze technique is for the man and woman to stop movement for about thirty seconds when the man is close to ejaculation.

As ejaculatory control increases, other positions of sexual intercourse can be tried. When the problem of premature ejaculation has been solved, the couple should still use the squeeze technique at least once a week for at least six months.

As with most things, if there is a will there is way. Suffering in silence and blaming will not solve anything. One wonders how many divorces could have prevented by just honest caring communication.

Well some people are just not solution oriented. Or they're selfish. Or they're jaded and don't want to involve their spouse in the solution, i.e. they go outside their marriage. And they don't even need to do that. If women would just say what they like and the men would do it, that should eliminate the "performance" problem. Same goes for the opposite situation. If whatever is being done isn't getting the job done, just tell your partner what would do it for you. Or whoop and holler when they start getting it right, that's motivation to keep doing it. Lol. It doesn't have to be that difficult, it's SEX for crying out loud.

Guys, we should know our way around the clitoris. If you don't want your wife/girlfriend to complain about your performance you should learn what she likes. She may be shy about telling you what she wants but in short order she won't hesitate to tell you.

Ladies, you should not be afraid to please your man either. Don't expect to get if you aren't giving. And if you are not doing anything but laying there in the bed, you don't have a right to complain about what he's not doing. Don't hate, participate!

Oh and BTW, the poster's comment about:

"Why can't men just take their asses to the doctor if they are having some kind of problem that can be corrected with a simple prescription?"

-Some of those sexual dysfunction drugs are not for everyone. Viagra, for example, can actually KILL you if you have underlying heart disease. Thing is, most people who need viagra, already have some kind of heart disease...and all blood vessels are affected including those in the penis that's why they have the erection problem.

So it's tricky. But again, as Sophia said, there are ways to deal with this that don't require life threatening solutions. The disgruntled wife in the first post doesn't seem to care too much for her husband or his well being. And somebody else said she was justified? I disagree.

That guy wa LAZY! He needs to learn oral on a woman and his hand. Most woman, most of the time want this included or done FIRST!!! I think, oral, done properly o na woman is the best way for her to reach satisfaction - no question.

The wam-bam-think-you-maan just doesn't cut it.

Well again, this is just her side of the story. And if there is a problem we sure don't see her taking a role in getting him to do any differently, she just silently hates him and plots to cheat on him. She's lazy too, and just as much to blame for the marriage going to hell. Apparantly she wants more out of it but can't seem to express this to her husband. I've noticed that women tend to get frustrated when they have to "tell us" anything.

Besides, since they all want to make the evolutionary psycology excuses for their cheating and multiple partners during ovulation and all that, I've got an evolutionary excuse for premature ejaculation:

The cavemen and women that took too long to cum got eaten by the lions, saber toothed-tigers and cave bears (oh my!) because they were making the 2 backed beast for too long. So being able to get it on and over with fast was efficient and it kept the primitive men and women able to copulate in a hurry and get the hell out of there before the animal kingdom smelled the sex in the air and wanted a chunk of their hides. How's that? :P

So if she takes too long, maybe SHE's the mutant...maybe SHE's defective. I know whenver I would take too long women would look at me like I'm a broken toy or something. So why can't we look at them the same way. See this is an argument for pre-marital sex, isn't it? If they made sure they were sexually compatible before marriage, this might not have been an issue. But now she's stuck with a quick up-and-cummer, lol.

Another simple method for pro-longing ejaculation wear a condom. Many ladies will confirm this.

"Why don't the brochures, magazine articles and billboards about condoms tell us that the first effect of a condom is to maintain erections until kingdom or dawn come? (No pun intended)." Mercedes Sayagues - Mail&Guardian December 24 2004

As for making the Kingdom come come sooner. There's methods too, ladies ...

Bob, many men are ignorant or just too shy in the ways of women, it is my believe that a woman can help those out.

"Bob, many men are ignorant or just too shy in the ways of women, it is my believe that a woman can help those out."

Yeah but women act like it's a huge chore for them to even have to tell us. They act bothered and irritated that we don't already KNOW. Like it's too much work to help us improve, they'd rather cheat with a don Juan who has been around the block. The original post illustrates this perfectly.

One of the reasons they go for bad boys I guess but remember, Bad Boys Bring You STD's and Buns In The Oven.

I guess lots of women think it's still worth it though. They'd rather risk tearing apart their marriage and family for hot sex with a stranger when they could have gotten it from their husband w/ a little instruction and patience.

A damn shame if you ask me. The answer was right there all along. They just choose to look elsewhere. Out of anger? Out of spite? To spurn him for his percieved "weakness"? I guess everything has to be taken personally, huh?

Sophia - for some reason most woman will not communicate their needs - especially in that department.

I have to agree with Ali: "I've noticed that women tend to get frustrated when they have to "tell us" anything."

Bob, Ali why does someone get frustrated when they have to explain something? Normally it is because they can't find the words. You see that with children often. Yet, if you can't find the words there are other ways of making your needs known. Showing, encouraging when your partner gets it right, taking the partner hand and putting it in the right place, etc.

When there truly is an intimacy between two people nothing could be more natural than to communicate your deeper needs and desires. Women are normally better equiped to read the hidden signals, but with a little effort a woman can learn to express her needs to her partner. She after all expresses her unmet needs quite clearly when she feels safe. In the original post of this thread she could quite clearly express what she wanted, but for some she felt that she could not express it to her husband. My feeling is that the two of them reached the point where their intimacy has been broken down by too many unexpressed hurts.

In her case it still comes down to her expressing the problem to her husband so that it can possibly be addressed and fixed versus just going off and cheating (this never helps matters). If you think intamacy has been broken down thus far, wait until she has committed adultery and is having an affair. Oh boy, she will REALLY be disrespecting him then. To her, he will be even more inadequate compared to the other man, and she will probably spurn him further. Still without allowing the original problem to be solved. Matters will be made very much more complicated. And possibly things will continue to deteriorate from there.

The original poster, who in my view is a bitch, wins one way or the other. If she cheats on the guy, she'll get a divorce and financially rape him in divorce and family courts because women have an obscene advantage in these arenas. Plus, she can hold this over him for the rest of his life to gloat, and brag to her friends about it.

If she doesn't get a divorce, she gets to nag him and, once again, hold this over him for the duration of the marriage.

Like I said, that bitch comes out the winner.

i said it before and ill say it again: the mans orgasm is his responsability the womens orgasm is her responsability. she can play with her self after he is done if she wants . the money being an issue for her means this guy is overpaying for sex

Pop dat puzzay, pop dat puzzay baby!

Shake, that thang, girl, shake, that thang girl.

Show, that monkaaaay, show, that monkay baby!

(I wanna rock, I wanna rock I-I-I-I-I wanna rock right now!)

Doo-Doo brown! Doo-Doo brown!

YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM. TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR FRUSTRATION AND HOW YOU WOULD LIKE SEX TO BE. IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU, HE WILL LISTEN.

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Reply to Ali

You are right .. it works both ways

www.evergreenspace.com

He must see a therapist about this.

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sounds to me like out of all the several things that have happened this sex thing really takes the cake! heres a challenge to you bad girl. Quit your bitching and tell him exactly how you want to be fucked! and feel about all this! The fact that your married to this guy makes matters worse, cause if you don't have the courage to be open to your husband about how you feel, chances are that whoever you end up with it may end up the same.