Cheating and freedom of will (72)

One out of every 100 people are narcissists. Source: History channel. Braiin Study

"At the end of the day it is still freedom of will. I will not buy into boredom or whatever is the excuse of the day. No one has a gun to the head of a cheater when they disgrace themselves with the putrid smell of adultery! What can one say about this narcissism epidemic sweeping western society !? It is an individual decision to sleep with another and not other factors. It is a coward that makes up excuses!"

It is an epidemic, combined and fueled by elitism and unhealthy levels of selfishness. Who's to blame for the speading of this 'feeling' is open to debate, but there is no doubt it is real and growing. My ex said her first affair was the act of simple lust. Believe it or not, I can almost buy/accept that. It was her actions and attitude *after* that sealed the deal for me. 18-months later, little has changed. For those of us left behind, we must be careful not to allow the cheater's 'freedom of choice' to effect us. That includes the right to heal and be happy. If you allow someone who is living poorly and making bad choices to control your actions and emotions, then your life will be bad too. Break away!

There is so much temptation around today, but at the end of the day it is a conscious decision to succumb or not to that temptation. You could argue forever around whether or not it is justified but it down to moral integrity. If you are in a relationship and make a commitment, rather than cheat, address the issues and try to resolve them. If that's not possible, then agree to part. I suppose in the real world it's not that simple, so who are we to judge.

"who are we to judge"

Speak for yourself.

You should judge, that way you don't deal with people who do this kind of thing and reduce the chances that they will do it to you. You should judge, so that you keep a clear view of right and wrong and make the right choices yourself. People who don't want to judge wind up doing this bullshit for whatever their reasons and then rationalizing why the shit wasn't wrong. So pass me a gavel.

Ali, I'm sure you know all about judgments and gavels and the court system first hand.

Totally agree Ali. People have misconceptions about what 'judging' actually is. None of us can judge in the 'St Peter's gates' sense, but we certainly can judge someone's actions to determine if it's something we condone or want in our lives. A big part of divorce/relationship problems are subjective values. Like it or not there is a right and wrong and everyone knows it, whether they admit it or not. Intense anger is a manifestion of this fact.

Okay, so I met this girl one night while out with a few friends, and we hit it off extremely well. We had tons in common, easily held conversations, made each other laugh, all the ice-breaker qualities that I look for in a girl. Only one problem, though. She's in a rocky relationship at the time. So....one night when she was out at a casino with her boyfriend drinking alone at the bar while he gambled with his friends, she texts me and tells me how much she wishes we were dating instead of her current boyfriend. I realize she's probably drunk and tell her that I'll support whatever decision she makes either to stay with him or to break it off because it's not working. But.....at the same time, I told her that I won't make any advances toward her while she's in a relationship, more than anything because if we ever started dating, I wouldn't want her to do the same thing to me with some other guy. (That, and I've been cheated on before and it's quite possibly the shittiest feeling in the world) Anyways, she breaks up with him a few weeks later, we're still good friends, I'm still interested, and she won't tell me face to face that she's not. Instead, she recommends other girls that I should be dating, so yea, I get the message. And just yesterday, after being single for an ENTIRE week and a half, starts dating another friend of mine. I'm totally okay with that, but she lies to me when I ask her what she's doing that night and tells me she's staying in. I understand that we're better off friends, but please, friends don't lie to each other.

• I know that guys in relationships sometimes lie to their girl about small things that they don't think will matter, (I'm guilty, I know) such as telling her that you're going to run a few errands in town while you're really at the bar with your friends. I don't know why we do it, maybe it's because a little white lie is easier than a possible argument between couples over something as petty as an occasional guys' night. I just want to know, are women the same way? I admit that I would be hurt if I found out that my girlfriend was lying to me if i was in a relationship depending on the severity of the lie, but how do women assess this type of situation?