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What Women Want
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Is it that nobody wants you when you're old and gray? (10,739 reads)
Do women love older men? Do women find gray hair and wrinkles attractive on men -- as attractive, that is, as a fine, full head of pigmented hair and a vigorous, firm complexion? The evolutionary psychologists suggest yes. They believe that women look for the signs of maturity in men because a mature man is likely to be a comparatively wealthy and resourceful man. That should logically include baldness, which generally comes with age and the higher status that it often confers. Yet, as Desmond Morris points out, a thinning hairline is not considered a particularly attractive state.
Assuming that women find older men attractive, is it the men's alpha status? Or could it be something less complimentary to the male, something like the following -- that an older man is appealing not because he is powerful but because in his maturity he has lost some of his power, has become less marketable and desirable and potentially more grateful and gracious, more likely to make a younger woman feel that there is a balance of power in the relationship? The rude little calculation is simple: He is male, I am female -- advantage, man. He is older, I am younger -- advantage, woman. By the same token, a woman may place little value on a man's appearance because she values something else far more: room to breathe. Who can breathe in the presence of a handsome young man, whose ego, if expressed as a vapor, would fill Biosphere II? Not even, I'm afraid, a beautiful young woman.
NATALIE ANGIER
It's not what you can get out of a relationship that matters..it's what you
can bring to it
I am attracted to a man 2 decades older than I am. He is all that was
described, but somehow, in my eyes, those (gray hair and lines) actually
add to his appeal. Maybe, i do not see it because his personality (a great
one, i would say...) overpowers whatever age evidence his body has... and
the maturity and confidence this older man has in everything and everybody
he deals with but still keeping his boyish charm is very appealing
from my own experience ,im 46 full head of hair,good income ,divorced with
no kids and no more alimony,have nice cars and motorcycles ,in very good
health and phisical shape.
i get girls as young as 19 tears old hitting on me all the time.when i ask
them what the big atraction is ,their answer is always the same ,older guys
have more experience at every thing.
most youger girls i have been with complain that thir boyfriends of the
same age braket dont know how to satisfye them when it comes to sex,the
most comon complaint is that they dont pull their hair during sex.
here is my experience for what its worth.
Natalie:
I'm in my mid-twenties and am what most people consider to be extremely
attractive. People usually mistake me for being 18 -20. I am also
educated and intelligent, so I'm what people consider to be a rarity. (I'm
not tooting my own horn here, just stating the facts so you know where I am
coming from.) I am approached by men of all ages and ethnicities, pretty
much every single time I go out. It makes me quite picky, because I have
an extremely large pool of men to choose from. It can be overwhelming,
especially because it makes it a daunting tast to weed out a genuine man
who sees past your beauty. As such, I would never go for an older man, nor
do I find wrinkles or gray hair attractive at all. I'm physically
attracted to men who look young in face and body,no sagging skin, and have
a full head of hair that isn't grayed. Also, older men would look even
stranger with me as a partner, considering I look so young.
That aside, I think that men still have this false notion that women are
attracted to older men. We are not, especially considering the fact that
women are becoming more financially independent and educated. The women
who are not financially secure, and are arm candy for older men, usually
only date very wealthy older men, not because they are attracted to them,
but they are attracted to their wallets! If they have a pre-nup and cannot
benefit from a divorce, the women figure that they will outlive these men
(they are often about to croak), and inherit their wealth. Sad but true.
I did a paper on this for a sociology class in college so I find it to be
an interesting topic. I think men want to believe this holds true, because
they want to assure themselves they have the same chances with beautiful,
younger women as younger men do. Maybe the older men do, with gold-diggers
(who often have affairs with younger men), but that's about it.
When i was a science student long time ago many times people told me that
there is acutally a very simple mathematical formula to calculate the best
maximal age difference. if one prospective lover has let's say age X, then
a prospective afair has only a reasonable chance of success if the age of
the other prospective partner is not less than X divided by 2 and than 7
added to it. So let's say the man is 50 years old. Then the women should
not be younger than 50/2 +7, that is not younger than 32 years old (and
vice versa). I am wondering if people on this site can provide some
counterexamples to this "rule"..
I agree with Natasha. I'm now in my 40s, but when I was younger and more
appealing to many different types of men, I would never have considered
someone much older than I was. She is right in saying it's the fantasy of
older men. Just look at all the Hollywood movies with this situation.
'I think that men still have this false notion that women are attracted to
older men. We are not, especially considering the fact that women are
becoming more financially independent and educated'
"I think that men still have this false notion that women are attracted to
older men. We are not, especially considering the fact that women are
becoming more financially independent and educated"
I am 24 years old and I met a man in his fifties, 2 years ago. I still
cannot discribe what I felt the instant I met him and the day I spent in
his company. I only saw him once after that.
I am 23, he is 40. I am attracted to his mind and to his beautiful eyes,
the rest is a bonus. From him I have a security and commitment rare to a
man of my age. He is generously exerienced and much more considerate than
many of the younger men.
i agree that older men are much more attractive than younger men. i used to
chase after younger men that were closer to my age. i am in my early
twenties, and i find myself to be more attracted to men 20 years older than
me because they respect me and treat me the way i want to be treated. i can
have an intellectual, mature conversation with them, while with younger
men, i never could find anything in common with them when i talked to them.
i find many younger men to be disappointing, and i still can't seem to
find any attraction to them anymore, not physically or emotionally.
I'm 20 and dating a man whose 46. Dating someone older is much more
fullfilling then dating someone my age. He is careing, kind, and has
respect. He is established and I find him to be amazing! He has kids that
range from being two years younger then me to five years older. I love
him. He makes me happy and thats all that matters to me.
Hey guys,
I hope you two can work that out then. He was 12 years older than you when
you met him and he will always be 12 years older...was he right though? Are
you still discovering yourself?
I am 54 years old and very attracted to two men over 70. What I like about
them is that they aren't trying to be Mr. Macho. They are tuned in to me.
They pay attention to me and they understand that I like that. Men my own
age simply do not get it that I want to be noticed. I'm an attractive
woman, very fit, and men constantly ask me how my ex-husband ever let me
go. In addition, I am educated and intelligent, and yet I have been single
for 12 years. I am dating a nice man my age, but it isn't enough. He
likes to spend lots of time with his kids (a good thing, by the way) but I
know that I am not and will never be first in his eyes. The older men with
whom I am close friends treat me like I am the most wonderful woman in the
world. They want to protect me. They never, ever find fault with anything
I say or do. Instead, they marvel at what I can do. They compliment me on
my self-reliance, and I can tell that both are very sexually attracted to
me. Why don't men my own age ever behave this way? They are sexually
attracted, but they treat me like I am just another woman, not a special
one. Is it so bad to want to be thought of as the most beautiful woman in
my man's eyes?
I am 57. When I was 21 I dated uglier girls and got rejected. Now I think
it was because i was actually an over acheiver. - international sportsman,
good degree and other things. when i was 25 there were no single women in
engineering communities. Now i am 57 and it is actually easier to find
women between 28 and 40 than women over 40. Almost the only thing I need
to do is point. I am fat, grey and balding. but much more confident about
myself. Tall, fit, cleverbut not rich just changing the world. The 46
year old left me at the airport holding two tickets. She lost her
confidence. Now she pretends to be 35 and chases 30 year old men. The
33 year who is now my woman hasn't asked for a thing. We share common
interests in business and art and see life the same way - at least it seems
so. "Successful" old men are in demand. They have proved themselves over
time. Their genes are good and desireable. A low status old man is a
different story. So women have a greater variety of taste in men than
men do in women. Young men offer more resources if faithful but old men
offer good genes.
Women, who prefer wrinkled skin, generally prefer unwrinkled wallets!
